I just want to know why...

Last night my daughter tells me that her friend "J" wanted to come over to the house to play after school so I told my daughter let me speak with her mother and we'll set something up.... well after talking to the kid who ask can she come over I told her I needed to speak with her mother. After another hour I speak with the mother ( for the first time ever) and I told her it was ok her "J" to come over and would she be picking her up or did she want me to drop her off.....

Now the mom tells me " oh I though she was spending the night" WTF?


She doesn't even know me why would she let her kid stay at my home ( not that Im a pig or crazy or anything but she doesn't know that) That made me a little uncomfortable considering everything that goes on now a days. So I told the mom I cant this time but maybe another time. If she still wanted to come over I would take her home. She says ok and gives me her address.

This morning she called to tell me that since I couldn't keep her overnight that there would be no one home to drop her off too that we should just save it for another time . No Problem


So Just a few minutes a go my daughter calls from school and puts the kid on the phone..... you can hear the disappointment in this kid voice and I felt so bad.

I am really uncomfortable with having a kid stay in my home that I don't know. I don't know her mother or anyone in her family but now I feel bad that this kid feel bad..

Am I overreacting?

I have decided after much soul searching that I NEED a makeover….Not for the physical ( although that does need work) but on the inside.

I need to start making changes in my life for the better. I’m nowhere near where I want to be financially, emotionally or spiritually.

1.First I need to take inventory on my life.
2.Weed out the things that make me unhappy and bring me down.
3.Decided what stays and what goes.

I feel blue and insecure of who I am …. I know who to blame for those feelings

Side Note:{not that it was intentional….but You made me question everything about who I am }

I’m not sure where to start but I feel the need to make my life easier…less cluttered!

They say “home is where the heart is” so I guess I will start at home….wish me luck!!!!!

I think a lot people have fears like Flying, elevators, close quarters you get the idea….

My fear is …. The Dentist :-(

It’s everything about the dentist that scares the crap out of me.

1. The novacane shot ( they never give me enough!)
2. The sound of that damn Drill ( god help me)
3. That Stupid straw that’s supposed to suck up the spit (WTF?)
4. The stupid bib
5. The light shining in you eyes and some stupid Man telling you to relax and stop crying… yeah he was talking to me so what that tooth cleaning hurt!!!!


So here is my problem I have been nursing a toothache for about a week already… I know it has to come out but I am too afraid of the Dentist to go get it done.

You don’t understand that I have been popping pills like tictacs just so I don’t have to go to the dentist but I can only do that for so long.


Is there a support group out there for people like me? Any suggestion how to get over this fear?

I am in love…

He is sweet, and romantic
He has a kind heart and great sense of humor.
He knows when to give hugs and encouragment but
He also knows when to back off
He is smart and educated
He is ambitious and driven
He is spontanius and adventurous
He is strong when he needs to be but sensitive when he has to be
He is honest and trust worthy…. basically a figment of my imagination!!!!!!


This man doesn’t exist… Hes not real. At least that is what I tell myself everyday so that can get of “ fantasy Island” and back to reality.

I have met men in my life that posses some of the qualities listed above but lack one of the most important .... The romance. WHY WHY WHY!!!!!

I got into this discussion with my friend’s man whose kid is 2years old. He said he doesn’t believe in spankings cause it teaches children to “ find ways to get around your rules”. WTF!!!!!! Kids are going to do that no matter what. I broke many a rule….. I just made sure that I didn’t get caught

I didn’t get spanked cause I was a good kid…. Ok I was a scared kid! My dad put the fear of God in me and I never…ever stepped one toe out of line. My brother on the other hand was always getting in to something for example

1. He dragged me out of my bassinette when I was only days old (spanked)
2. Set fire to the curtains one time (spanked)
3. Oh and he shaved his eyebrows off… completely (he would have gotten spanked for that but my parents were laughing to hard)



But even with all of the crazy shit that he did he was always in school and made good grades, stayed out of trouble for the most part and always treated my parents with respect he knew spankings were a last resort with my parents….sad for him but my brother always seem to push those buttons {I swear he had ADD. LOL)

Most of the kids now-a-days could use a good spanking!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve seen kids on a packed bus screaming at the top of their lungs that they want ice-cream, I’ve seen kids fall out in the street cause they cant get the toy they want and I’ve seen pre-teens tell their mothers “ fuck you”. Now maybe if those kids were spanked on occasion they wouldn’t behave that way. JMO- Now my kids are growing up the way I did they know better than to put one foot out of line. I have a great relationship with them and they know that they can come to me with anything but I made it crystal clear “ I am your mother, not your friend” we can joke and all but don’t ever behave disrespectful to me (i.e. Sucking of the teeth, rolling your eyes, talking under your breath etc) Cause your gonna get POPPED (my version of spanking). It is very rare that my kids get popped cause they know better.

Now there is a big difference between Spanking and abuse. I don’t go around knocking my kids upside the head for no reason… they get popped as a last result and I almost never have to go there.

I know society says that spankings only teach violence but these are the same people that are taking kids away from parents that “spank” their kids and putting them with Foster families that “abuse” the kids. {not all but too many- Just my 2 cents} Then when the kid gets out of control no one wants to be bothered!!!! The state uses the excuse that they have to many cases… you take away the parents right to discipline then you blame them with the kid is out of control…. You can’t win!

So my question today is

How do you feel about Spankings? why?

I've got writers block sorry... But here is something to read anyway



WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLES OF CLOTHING?
Shoes, Shoes and more shoes

THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?
Diggin in the Crates Old School…. Set it off- Strafe . Thats my Shi*T

WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
6:30am… Or 6:40 if Im hitting “snooz”

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?
Toaster… you can make a lot with that thing. Toast, waffles, Pancakes…

IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I’d like to play piano

FAVORITE COLOR?
Black

FAVORITE CHILDREN’S BOOK?
Where the Wild things are. Maurice Sendak

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
Summer

IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
A butterfly on my stomach but I want another on my back

IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPERPOWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
To turn back time… I would make a few changes

ONE PERSON/PEOPLE FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO:
Did this already

WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED?
Shoes, Shoes and More shoes

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
Friday

WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
Hamburger… I would never each sushi!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER?
Its been so long since I got flowers I don’t even remember but I’ll go with Roses…cant go wrong with roses can you?

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MEAL?
Anything I don’t have to Cook LOL.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BREAKFAST?
Pancakes, Eggs, homefries, bacon, sausage, ham and toast…. What? I know its a lot but I can eat it. LOL

DO YOU LIKE YOUR JOB?
I like the people I work with but not the job.

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM JOB?
Actress

WHERE DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE OR SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
He was my little sisters best friends older brother…. Did that make sense?


THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
That I have a great sense of humor
That Im Loyal
My desire to help others

THREE THINGS YOU HATE/DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
My quick temper
My inability to mask what bothers me
That I put everyone elses’ need before my own

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
COFFEE!!!
Seeing my kids
music

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
Heels..3inches
Black top
Cream slacks

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS/ARTISTS (AT THE MOMENT):
Jill Scott
Marcus Houston
Joe


THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
Naked- Marcus Houston
All the things- Joe
Cross my mind- Jill Scott

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
Salsa Dancing…like the kind you see in concerts/competitions
Yoga
Pole Dancing

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (LOVE IS A GIVEN):
Passion
Spontaneity
ROMANCE!!!!!!!

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (OR SAME) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
Eyes
Smile
Sense of Humor

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
Bite my tongue
Turn my back on someone in need
Forgive my past mistakes

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
Shopping… for shoes mostly
Hooking up with the girls
Blogging

I know that we as women are suppose to make sure we do this at least once a year and as many times as Ive done this i still dread this visit. For the guys... this is what happens


You go in the exam room where they give you a paper gown ( a cloth one if your lucky) and tell you to take every thing off, sit on the table and wait for the doctor.

{In my Mind: Ok i just want to hurry up lets get this over with}

Now unless your pregnant you only really this this doctor once a year... twice tops, now I have to get undress for this person I hardly know to poke and prod the nether regions. WTF????


So now you are sitting on a table in your paper gown and your waiting.... and waiting... and waiting

{In My head: Did they forget about me?}

In comes the doctor and starts with the small talk

Doctor: So how are things?
Me: Good

Doctor: How are the kids?
Me: Good


{In My head: Could you just shut up and lets do this already.}


Doctor: Ok I need you to scoot your butt to the edge off the table, one foot in each sturup, lay back and relax.

{In my head: You have got to be kidding me.... relax NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!}

Me: Ok


So doc wipps out the speculum which is basically a piece of plastic that looks like the mouth of a duck and puts it in your cooch! And they want you to relax.... :-(

After the doc gets a few samples and feels around your ovaries ( which hurts) she smiles and says

Doctor : Ok that wasn't so bad was it?

WTF?

Then they leave. Leaving you all kinds of violated.... in your paper gown. Thank God I only have to do this once a year!


I know that I am not the only one that feels like this...

Ok so Saturday I hook up with fellow bloggers......
I decided early that day that I was going to drink my blues away

My mission : to forget the things that have been getting me down

It didnt go as planned. Maybe I was to aggressive to have that first drink before I had anything in my stomach... And yeah I pretty much chunged it but I don't think that was the problem.... Things started when Nicky (love her to death by the way) ask me to drink some of her Frozen apple martini SIDE NOTE: Im not a big martini fan but I had a mission so I figure what the hell. So I drink about have her martini and all of a sudden the temperature in the room goes up to about 100 degrees WTF?

Everyone is so nice Will, X, Mecrazyme, Siddity, Keisha, Danja, Singing and super sweety Golden and a few non-bloggers.We order food and more drinks. Can I just tell you that Im usually pretty good with cleaning my plate but I was drinking and sweating and trying to keep it together.

We then decide to go to a bar.... Um we get there and its closed , so we go across the street to this bar. Its a pretty nice place and the bartender did look like Jim Carey.

Every one was having a good time but and were all drinking but poor nicky wasn't feeling so well. Nicky, Golden and Myself go outside for a smoke ( against Will's wishes... Sorry Will. We will do better next time I promise!) after our smoke we pop gum in our mouths and go back inside, I take a sip of my drink and that's when it hits me.... I am feeling all kinds of sick now ( SIDE NOTE: Cigarettes, Drinking and Gum don't go) I go down to that ladies room cause Im thinking ( I HAVE TO THROW UP)


My stomach is killing me and all I want to do is make it stop. I bump into Golden and make her promise that if I throw up it doesn't end up on her post (THANKS GOLDEN) So here I am in the ladies room Spitting mostly ( I know... Yuck but I felt better after. Golden the sweety waited for me to make sure that I was ok and then Saddity came down so Golden waited for her ( I told you she's a sweety) I get back to the others and Im ok the music is pretty cool and I am so ready to keep it going.... But


Poor Nicky isn't feeling well so she was going to call it a night. I felt bad so I thought I'd call it a night too So I caught a cab with Nicky and Mecrazyme.

I had a great time and I cant wait to do it again... but next time I will take it slow ....So I dont end up sick in the bathroom again! LMAO :-)

GIVEN EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING ON WITH THE EFFECTS OF KATRINA. IM JUST FEELING BLUE AND NOT REALLY UP TO WRITING, BUT IN KEEPING WITH MECRAZYME'S RULES IM GIVING YOU SOMETHING TO READ ANYWAY.

In the movie "A Bronx Tale" the character of "Sonny" tells " C" that you only get 3 great loves in your life. If that is true than Im done. Having been "in love" 3 times according to this movie, Thats it for me.

The first of the 3

I was 14 he was 15 and I thought I would love him forever (of course I did I was only 14 what did I know) some may say it was puppy love but when it ended it hurt like nothing I had ever felt and I was heartbroken.

Second- He was the guy that was very shy, never said a word but spoke to me with his eyes ( ok that was way over the top lol) Our relationship was short but very intense. I saw a future with him but life threw us a "curve ball" and things between us ended with out much warning :-( "sigh" Im still not over this

Now to my husband- I knew the first day I saw him he was for me. I was going to have him and I did. There was just a mystery about him that I just had to crack. To this day I am still trying to figure him out.


But now my question is, Do you really only get 3? What happens if things with my husband don't work out am I screwed??????

Is that it? will I never find "Love" again?